🗯 WTF Geneva 2: When the United Nations Becomes the Islamic Republic’s HR Department...
👁️🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it.
By The WTF Desk | July 2025 | Geneva | 🗞️ Special Report
If the United Nations were a sitcom, this season would be written by the Iranian Ministry of Intelligence, directed by Al Jazeera Arabic, and fact-checked by Francesca Albanese’s Twitter feed.
In a year already saturated with nuclear standoffs, proxy wars, and U.N. resolutions written by countries that can’t spell “human rights,” the latest episode in Geneva has audiences across the free world saying exactly one thing:
WTF?
Scene One: Tehran on the Thames
Let’s start with the UK. You’d think a country famous for stiff upper lips and MI5 might be less porous than a leaky tea kettle. And yet, Iran has managed to infiltrate British civil society with the grace of a cat burglar in a burqa.
From funding charities linked to radical clerics to coordinating cyberattacks on British hospitals, the Islamic Republic has been playing London like a fiddle—with a background track provided by Press TV and a guest feature from Francesca Albanese, the UN’s very own Islamic Revolution brand ambassador.
The UK's answer? Sanctions. Registration schemes. Parliamentary debates that sound like a Monty Python sketch titled “The Ministry of Ayatollah Appeasement.”
MI5 has identified multiple credible assassination plots on UK soil. Iran responded by asking if that included breakfast meetings with Francesca.
Scene Two: The Ayatollah’s EU Internship Program
Meanwhile, Brussels—where courage goes to get watered down—continues to be shocked, shocked, that the Iranian regime is manipulating European institutions. Iran is pushing its drones into Ukraine, its operatives into Paris, and its propaganda into European Parliament talking points. In unrelated news, Francesca Albanese was given another term.
The EU has imposed sanctions on Iranian entities. But also continued business deals. And held conferences on "Dialogue and Understanding" hosted by countries that imprison poets.
As one European official was heard muttering: “Iran says ‘Death to Europe,’ and we say ‘Let’s dialogue it out over couscous.’”
Scene Three: Al Jazeera Presents “News You Can Hate”
Let’s not forget Qatar’s Al Jazeera—also known as “State-Approved Outrage with Subtitles.” The Arabic arm of the channel continues to serve as a soft-power megaphone for Iran’s grievances, laundering them through English-speaking intellectuals who once wrote PhD theses on “Zionist Narratives in Sesame Street.”
Al Jazeera’s Geneva correspondent recently aired a glowing documentary on Francesca Albanese. It was called “The Occupied Planet: How Zionists Stole Oxygen,” and featured commentary from university professors who list Hezbollah as a “cultural heritage site.”
Scene Four: The United Nations, Now With 63% More Terror Apologists
Then there's the United Nations itself, which seems to have given up on neutrality and now runs on a strict diet of Qatari funding and post-colonial guilt. More than 70% of its resolutions target Israel, while actual genocides in Syria, Xinjiang, and Sudan get a polite post-it note in the Secretary-General’s inbox.
Enter Francesca Albanese, the Special Rapporteur for the Occupied Palestinian Territories. Or, as Hamas calls her, “Our Lady of Perpetual Bias.”
In her recent report—drafted with what appears to be crayons, Ayatollah Khamenei’s diary, and AI chats set to “Ayatollah” mode—she accused Israel of:
Genocide (68 times),
Apartheid (47 times),
And existing (1 implied hate crime).
She also accused the U.S.-backed Gaza Humanitarian Foundation of being a “death trap engineered to eliminate Palestinians.”
That’s right: Delivering food now counts as extermination if you don’t let Hamas steal it first.
António Guterres, Operator 1: Now Taking Calls from Iran, Hamas, Hezbollah and Francesca Albanese
António Guterres, the UN Secretary-General who still clings to the fantasy that Geneva matters, has become the patron saint of moral relativism. While rockets rained down on Israeli civilians and Iranian proxies ran amok from Lebanon to Yemen, Guterres managed to find his voice—mostly to scold Israel for defending itself.
When Hamas committed the worst antisemitic massacre since the Holocaust, Guterres gave a masterclass in passive-aggressive word salads, condemning “violence on all sides” like a divorce therapist in a warzone.
Despite reportedly calling Francesca Albanese a “horrible person” in private, Guterres refuses to publicly disavow her, citing the “independence of UN mandates”—translation: “I have no spine and she has friends in Geneva.”
At this point, the only thing Guterres seems to oppose unconditionally is Israeli airstrikes on Iranian nuclear sites—especially if they disrupt his afternoon siesta.
After being declared persona non grata by Israel for his failure to unequivocally condemn Hamas’s October 7 massacre or Iran’s missile barrage, Guterres has become a master of strategic ambiguity.
He condemns antisemitism in Paris, attends Holocaust memorials with tears in his eyes, and then turns around to defend Francesca Albanese’s “independence” like a bureaucratic yoga instructor twisting himself into ethical pretzels.
Privately, insiders say he called her “a horrible person,” but publicly? Silence. Because apparently, condemning antisemitism at breakfast and enabling it by lunch is what passes for balance at Turtle Bay.
Scene Five: Trump Unleashes the McDiplomacy Doctrine
President Donald J. Trump, currently on his second term and third Diet Coke of the morning, issued the following from the White House Rose Garden:
“Francesca Albanese is not a UN rapporteur. She’s a full-time employee of the Hamas HR department. And we’re paying for it. Not anymore.”
In response, the U.S. Mission to the UN formally called for Albanese’s removal, accused her of “malignant antisemitism,” and pointed out she isn’t even a licensed attorney. In a world where doctors need degrees and Uber drivers need background checks, apparently you can scream “genocide!” at democratic nations for cash without passing a bar exam.
Secretary-General António Guterres, meanwhile, said he would “look into the matter.” Which at the UN usually means filing it somewhere between “Climate” and “Why No One Respects Us Anymore.”
Scene Six: Iran, The UN, and the Nuclear Absurdity Olympics
Iran, having lost most of its military sites to Israeli and American strikes this year, decided to launch its soft-power nukes instead—through the UN. It’s using its platform to accuse the West of “weaponized hypocrisy,” all while evading sanctions, funneling drones to Russia, and sponsoring a shadow war in the Middle East.
Its diplomats give speeches in Geneva about “dignity and justice” while protestors back home are lashed, hanged, or disappeared for saying “we want jobs.”
The UN, rather than standing up to this farce, gave them a seat on a human rights committee. This is not satire. It’s in the minutes of the last UN session, right next to a resolution urging Israel to stop existing so loudly.
Scene Seven: Francesca Albanese, Patron Saint of Jihadist Narrative Framing
Let’s not ignore that Francesca Albanese, despite opposition from the U.S., France, Germany, and anyone with a functioning moral compass, was reappointed in 2025.
She claimed the victims of October 7—the worst massacre of Jews since the Holocaust—were not killed for being Jewish, but “in resistance to oppression.” That comment earned her praise from Iranian clerics, a Qatari documentary deal, and her own Hamas discount code on Aliexpress.
Francesca is now reportedly working on her next report: “Why Hostage-Taking is Actually a Cry for Help: A Feminist Analysis.”
Comment Section: Geneva’s Echo Chamber
“The UN calling Israel genocidal is like the Taliban lecturing Sweden on gender equality.”
“I trust Albanese’s legal opinion as much as I trust Iran’s promise to enrich uranium ‘just for peaceful vibes.’”
“What do you call someone who blames Israel for everything, denies Hamas exists, and gets invited to Davos? A UN employee.”
“Next up on the UN agenda: Condemnation of Israeli falafel. Too crispy, too colonial.”
Final Thought: WTF Is Going On?
The United Nations was founded to prevent another Holocaust. In 2025, it funds officials who rationalize the next one. It’s become a haunted mirror reflecting the world's worst impulses under the guise of humanitarianism.
Iran doesn’t need to sneak into the UN. It’s already printed the ID badges.
And Francesca Albanese? She’s not a human rights expert. She’s a crisis actor in the geopolitical theatre of absurdity.
But hey, maybe next time the UN can appoint a “Special Rapporteur for Nuclear Peace in Pyongyang.”
It’d have the same effect.
Fewer footnotes. Better fashion.
👁️🗨️ Until then, WTF means Weird, True & Freaky. Not “Watch Tehran Flourish.”
Comments
Post a Comment