💀Mullahs in Hiding, Missiles in Pieces, Morality Police in Therapy, and The IRGC Chokes Itself Out: The IRGC Year 2025 in Review...
👁️🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it.
WTF is Left of the IRGC?
Iran’s Terror Army Gets Wrecked, Rethinks Its Purpose, and Retreats Into the Shadows
From Vanguard of the Revolution to Vanguard of Unemployment Benefits
By: The Ministry of WTF Affairs
Once, they were feared across the Middle East. The Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps — aka the IRGC, aka Tehran’s Most Extra Boys — controlled everything from missiles to memes. They bombed embassies, propped up dictators, and issued fatwas from aircraft hangars. Now? They're holed up, hiding from Israeli drones, TikTok hashtags, and Donald Trump’s tweet drafts.
That’s right. President Trump signed off on the most extensive joint US-Israeli air campaign against Iran’s security infrastructure since 1979. And the IRGC, instead of fighting back like the Guardians of the Revolution they’re supposed to be, just... folded like cheap chadors.
So, what’s left of the world’s most infamous terror franchise?
The Fall of the Revolutionary Bros
The IRGC was born after the Shah’s ouster — built from angry bearded men with rocket launchers, revolutionary slogans, and one hell of an inferiority complex about the regular military. The clerics didn’t trust the army, so they created their own. Fast forward four decades, and the IRGC wasn’t just a military force — it was Iran’s shadow government, economic mafia, intelligence agency, and intercontinental export business (terrorism division).
That was, until the Great Facepalm of 2025.
Within just 12 days, Israel and the US knocked out:
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3 nuclear facilities (one of which doubled as a chicken farm on Google Maps)
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Dozens of missile depots
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IRGC command centers
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And half of the morale of every Quds Force veteran
Surgical strikes, cyberattacks, and even rumors of Mossad’s AI infiltration (codename: “ChatZion”) have left the Guards confused, paranoid, and deeply offline.
Brain Drain and Drone Pain
The Guards didn’t just lose missiles — they lost people.
According to insiders, Iran’s top generals are no longer allowed to meet in person, speak on unsecured lines, or even order extra hummus at dinner. Paranoia is so high, one IRGC colonel reportedly tried to shoot his own shadow.
Dr. Afshon Ostovar, a top Iran analyst, says it best: “What the IRGC tried to achieve over the last 25 years is basically toast.” That toast, dear reader, is currently being eaten by Netanyahu in a Jerusalem press conference.
Empire in Reverse
Regionally, the IRGC’s map of influence is now a series of red Xs.
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Syria? Assad is gone. Iranian assets fled like interns after free pizza ran out.
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Lebanon? Hezbollah’s got so bombed, they’re now hosting meetings in borrowed Bekaa Valley tents.
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Iraq? The militias were told to sit down, shut up, and stop launching rockets at American bases unless they wanted to be introduced to the IDF’s new laser system, “Smite-3000.”
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Gaza? Hamas sent an email: “New number, who dis?”
Worse still:
Iran’s international terror squads can’t even get weapons into Gaza. Smuggling networks are being shut down faster than Iranian VPNs during a protest. And in Yemen, the Houthis are so broke they started crowdfunding their next drone.
From Fatwa to Flat Broke
Back home, the IRGC’s business empire — gas companies, construction firms, telecoms, Instagram troll farms — is under siege. Western sanctions and targeted cyberattacks have turned their front companies into haunted house attractions.
Foreign banks? Not touching IRGC cash with a ten-foot mullah.
That economic pain is now political. Even inside the regime, there are whispers that the Guards have become more of a liability than a shield.
One reformist (who asked to remain anonymous because he still enjoys not being poisoned) told a local paper: “They can’t shoot down drones. They can’t manage inflation. They can’t even get likes on Instagram. What exactly are they guarding?”
Death of the Narrative
The IRGC used to sell itself as the noble arm of resistance: fighting for justice, protecting the oppressed, hating Israel more than they hated Microsoft updates.
Now?
That narrative’s deader than Khamenei’s charisma.
Even inside Iran, people aren’t buying the ideology anymore. The “Death to America” chants are being drowned out by “Fix the Wi-Fi” and “Where’s my paycheck?”
Women aren’t wearing hijabs. Youth are making TikToks.
And the most viral slogan on Tehran’s streets is: “Regime go boom.”
Postcards from the Brink
Taleblu, another Iran expert, says the Guards might become more North Korea-esque — isolated, inward, repressively stale. That means:
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No more flashy foreign operations.
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More executions and propaganda films.
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And a lot of generals playing Minesweeper in undisclosed basements.
This future isn’t revolutionary — it’s boring. And brittle.
And here’s the kicker:
Some of the younger IRGC recruits, now disillusioned, reportedly want out. They weren’t trained to build bridges. They were trained to blow them up. Without a regional war to fight, what’s a 25-year-old Quds Force sniper supposed to do? Join LinkedIn?
Iran’s Generation WTF
Still, don’t expect the IRGC to collapse overnight. Autocracies, as Ostovar notes, tend to cling to power with the resilience of mold on a wet carpet. Look at Cuba. Look at Venezuela. Heck, look at French bureaucracy.
But Iran isn’t North Korea. It’s educated, internet-savvy, culturally rich. Its people are exhausted, not brainwashed. The real threat to the IRGC isn’t Israel. It’s the Iranian people themselves — and the reality that fear doesn’t work anymore.
The Guards are still armed. But the people have already disarmed the myth.
Comments Section (Because even in the Islamic Republic, people got opinions)
“I knew the IRGC was over when their latest drone crashed into a date palm. On live TV. During a military parade.”
“So they went from running Lebanon to running from Lebanon. That escalated hilariously.”
“Waiting for the Netflix docuseries: How to Lose a Proxy War in 10 Days.”
“If the IRGC’s ideology was a startup pitch, even Saudi investors would ghost it.”
“Imagine surviving eight wars just to be defeated by Wi-Fi protesters and drone memes.”
“Can we trade the IRGC for Shah Rukh Khan? Or at least a decent VPN?”
“They spent $200 billion on nukes & missiles, and forgot to invest in reality.”
The Final Verdict?
The IRGC isn’t dead. But it’s definitely doing its best impression of a crumbling dinosaur trying to dance in a TikTok world. Unless it radically transforms or goes fully fascist, it might soon become just another acronym in history books.
Not so much “Guardians of the Revolution” as “Boomers of the Republic.”
And so, as the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps licks its wounds, hides its commanders, and rewatches old war propaganda on VHS, one thing is clear: the revolution may have been televised, but its sequel is getting cancelled mid-season.
The missiles don’t fly, the proxies are unemployed, and the beard quotas are down 40%. Somewhere in a Tehran bunker, a confused junior officer is Googling “how to rebrand as a fintech startup” while Khamenei tries to livestream defiance from an undisclosed Wi-Fi-deprived location.
The IRGC once dreamed of exporting the revolution; now they can’t even export pistachios without getting sanctioned. This isn’t just decline. It’s the Islamic Republic’s first real episode of Keeping Up with the Collapse-ians — and spoiler alert: the finale ends with a bang, a blackout, and a very awkward press conference.
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