👑Retweeting the Revolution: How Reza Pahlavi, Prince of Persia (But Mostly Paris), The Shah of Nothing, Plans to Topple Tehran by Going Viral via Wi-Fi...
WTF Blog Presents:
Breaking: Iranian Revolution Scheduled for 2045, Depending on Wi-Fi Signal Strength in Los Angeles
Los Angeles, Paris, Geneva — in the global capital cities of brunch and nostalgia, Reza Pahlavi, the man who was once the crown prince of Iran, remains what he has been for the last 46 years: the heir apparent to a revolution that hasn’t happened yet.
At 65, with a velvet voice, a modern suit, and a flawless track record of exile, Pahlavi has become Iran’s most internationally recognized post-monarchy monarch-in-waiting — a democratic symbol, a liberal vision, and possibly the only "Shah" who prefers CNN interviews to coups.
But let’s address the million-toman question: Can Reza Pahlavi actually lead regime change in Iran?
Short answer: Only if Instagram Stories count as artillery.
A Brief History of the Almost-Return of the King
Let’s go back to 1979: Star Wars was two years old, disco was still a thing, and young Reza Pahlavi was training as a fighter pilot in Texas. Meanwhile, back home in Iran, the Ayatollahs were canceling his family’s Netflix subscription — with tanks.
While his father, Mohammad Reza Shah, left behind peacocks, gold telephones, and autocratic baggage, Reza Junior swore he’d dedicate his life to fighting tyranny. Which he has — passionately, mostly from behind microphones in Europe and Washington.
For four decades, Pahlavi has advocated for a free Iran. Unfortunately, he’s been advocating from places that are not Iran.
"Bring Back the Shah!" — Says Who?
Surprisingly… some Iranians.
Protests from 2017 to 2022 saw the unthinkable: chants for the Shah’s return. When Mahsa Amini’s death ignited nationwide outrage, videos of protesters burning Khamenei’s photos appeared alongside calls for “Pahlavi, Pahlavi!” on Telegram groups faster than the IRGC could ban them.
For the first time since the revolution, Pahlavi was trending in Iran.
Except, in 2025, trending doesn't mean leading.
The NCI: Government-in-Exile or Zoom Chat With Delusions?
Pahlavi leads the National Council of Iran for Free Elections (NCI), a shadow government with all the firepower of a very determined book club. Its main weapon is a well-designed website and occasional press releases from places where croissants are more abundant than dissidents.
While the NCI claims to represent “tens of thousands” of Iranians, most of them are in the diaspora, sipping espresso in Berlin and tweeting revolution emojis at 2 AM.
Let’s be honest — revolutions aren’t coordinated via Google Calendar.
What’s Missing? Everything That Matters in a Coup
Let’s list Pahlavi’s assets inside Iran:
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An army? ❌
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Loyal police chiefs? ❌
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Secret underground cells? ❌
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Hackers? Maybe a cousin in Vancouver.
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Satellite TV? ✅ But it’s jammed half the time.
Even the regular Iranian Army (Artesh), traditionally more nationalist than ideological, is too busy trying to maintain radar equipment from 1973 to host planning meetings.
The IRGC, meanwhile, remains a deeply entrenched mafia-with-missiles organization that would rather carpet bomb Isfahan than hand it over to a smiling secular prince with nice hair.
Media Infrastructure: Broadcasting to the Black Hole
Inside Iran, internet is filtered, VPNs are risky, and Telegram channels get taken down faster than Raisi’s helicopter.
Pahlavi’s message is disseminated through diaspora satellite stations and Instagram Lives — wonderful for emotional support, not for overthrowing deep-state theocracies.
No permanent communications network. No decentralized organizing app. No t-shirt printer for the underground resistance. Just... likes.
What Does Pahlavi Offer?
To his credit, Reza Pahlavi is articulate, Westernized, and consistently anti-violence. He’s not trying to be the old-school shah. He wants a secular democracy — even offered a national referendum on monarchy vs. republic.
He’s promised:
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Civil rights.
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Freedom of speech.
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No forced hijab.
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International diplomacy without “Death to America” chants.
But how do you sell this message inside a country where teenagers get arrested for dancing, let alone for clicking “like” on a royalist meme?
The Mahsa Amini Effect Was Real. But So Was the Crackdown.
The Mahsa Amini protests were the most sustained uprising since 1979. But the regime responded with:
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Tear gas.
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Mass arrests.
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Internet shutdowns.
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Executions. (At least 175 in May alone.)
Even if thousands quietly support change, they’re trapped in a fear bubble — one Pahlavi can’t puncture from Paris.
Internal Movements Exist — But Don’t Love External Saviors
Inside Iran, there are:
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Labor movements
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Feminist groups
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Ethnic minorities
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Students burning hijabs
But these are horizontal, grassroots, and deeply skeptical of top-down leadership, especially from abroad. Monarchism, even with a reformist glow-up, smells of foreign influence. And Iranians, traumatized by coups and interventions, have trust issues worse than a Tinder date in Tehran.
Diaspora Comments Section: The Real Parliament?
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“He’s the only one who speaks for me.”
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“Where was he in 2009?”
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“Love him. But also… what’s the plan?”
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“He’s our Mandela… except he lives in Bethesda.”
So... Can He Pull It Off?
Pahlavi’s assets:
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Global recognition ✅
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Values that align with most Iranians ✅
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No blood on his hands ✅
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Cool Instagram aesthetics ✅
His liabilities:
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No army ❌
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No coordination network ❌
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No verified presence inside Iran ❌
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Name “Pahlavi” still triggers some PTSD ❌
At best, Reza Pahlavi is a symbol — a unifier for a future Iran that still hasn’t figured out how to unite. At worst, he’s a nostalgic throwback with no tools to shape the present.
Final Thought: Shahs and Shadows
Reza Pahlavi may never walk into Tehran with roses, flags, and cheering crowds. But his continued relevance means something deeper:
The regime’s failures are so profound, so visceral, that even a crown prince in exile has become a beacon of hope. In that sense, he is the Ayatollahs' greatest failure: a symbol they couldn’t erase, a dream they couldn’t kill.
But dreams need more than symbolism. They need organization, strategy, and infrastructure.
Until then, the revolution will be televised — but only on satellite. And the Shah who would return must settle for ruling… the comment section.
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