Rs 85,000 Crore and the Great Pak-ward Detour: How India’s Backdoor Trade Turned Into a Front-Page Farce...

An open secret masquerading as a shocking revelation, the Indo-Pak rerouted trade scandal shows us that when two hostile neighbors say “no trade,” what they actually mean is “just don’t get caught.” Welcome to the WTF bazaar of geopolitics, hypocrisy, and world-class jugaad.

From the Desi Department of Denial and Duty-Free Diplomacy

New Delhi / Dubai / Karachi / Somewhere in a Bonded Warehouse with Disappearing Labels

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ACT I: THE GREAT 'NO TRADE' TRADE

There are scams, and then there’s Scamception—a scam within a scam wrapped in a flag, stuffed inside a warehouse in Colombo, and shipped via Singapore with a fake invoice printed in Comic Sans.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Rs 85,000 crore rerouted trade circus is real. While India and Pakistan have been pretending to hate each other harder than Twitter trolls on Republic Day, someone forgot to tell their exporters. And the re-export game? Oh, it's been playing harder than Pakistan in the 1992 World Cup and with more disguises than a Bollywood undercover cop.

Here’s the plot twist no one saw coming:

Even as India officially suspended trade with Pakistan in 2019 (following the usual menu of “cross-border terror and angry press conferences”), billions of rupees’ worth of Indian goods have continued to land in Pakistan. They just made a pit stop — or three — along the way.

ACT II: FROM DELHI TO DUBAI TO ‘DEKHLO BHAI’

Let’s break this down for the economically confused and ethically exhausted:

• Step 1: Indian goods are shipped to neutral ports like Dubai, Colombo, and Singapore — the Switzerland of maritime smuggling.

• Step 2: Once docked, these goods enter bonded warehouses — essentially the diplomatic free-for-all of trade, where you can store, re-label, and even spiritually realign your products without paying any duty. You could turn “Made in Ludhiana” into “Born in Brussels” faster than you can say “customs clearance.”

• Step 3: Labels are peeled. Invoices are rewritten. And voila — your “Indian pressure cooker” is now a proud “Sri Lankan culinary marvel.”

• Step 4: These rebranded goods are exported to Pakistan — where buyers, often knowingly, pay premium prices for what they very well know is imported jugaad.

• Step 5: Everyone pretends to be shocked — just not too shocked — because this has been happening for years.

You don’t need the CIA to expose this. You just need a functioning pair of binoculars at Karachi Port.

ACT III: THE MORAL SMOKESCREEN & THE ECONOMIC SMOG

So how did a Rs 85,000 crore trade channel — routed via third countries — escape notice?

Easy.

It wasn’t not noticed. It was strategically ignored.

After all, what’s more Indian than creating a workaround for a self-imposed embargo? This is a country where we invented jugaad, where we illegally download VPNs to stream content we legally paid for, and where we block roads for weddings but complain about traffic.

This trade scam isn’t a glitch. It’s a feature of desi diplomacy.

Meanwhile, in Pakistan — whose economy is less "emerging market" and more "emergency market" — no one minds paying extra for Indian textiles, pharmaceuticals, or electronic parts… especially if it’s labeled “Not Indian (wink wink).”

ACT IV: CAIT WALKS IN, LATE, WITH A STATEMENT

Enter stage left: The Confederation of All India Traders (CAIT) — a body which, until this week, was as politically useful as a plastic bag in a hurricane. But in the wake of the Pahalgam terror attack, CAIT decided to channel its inner Rambo and vowed to boycott all trade with Pakistan.

This, after the GTRI report revealed Indian goods are already deep inside Pakistani warehouses, some probably enjoying chai breaks.

At a press event in Bhubaneswar, CAIT declared: “We won’t trade with terrorists.”

A brave stand — especially considering they were never officially supposed to be trading with Pakistan in the first place.

That’s like showing up at a dry wedding and declaring, “From this moment, I shall stop drinking vodka… that I wasn’t supposed to bring.”

ACT V: THE WORST-KEPT SECRET IN SOUTH ASIA

Let’s be brutally honest:

Everyone knew this was happening. Governments. Traders. Media. Even customs officers who pretended to be confused by the fact that 97% of Pakistani imports from Sri Lanka somehow contain Indian-made goods.

This entire farce is less of a scandal and more of a Karan Johar plotline:

• Trade is banned,

• Emotions are high,

• Everyone’s lying to each other,

• And somehow, Dubai is always involved.

Pakistan gets its Indian goods. Indian traders get their rupees. Middlemen get their commissions. And governments get to do performative nationalism while pretending none of this is happening.

It's Wagah-border patriotism by day, and Karachi-port capitalism by night.

ACT VI: “INDIANS ARE A-HOLES,” SAID NO ONE WHO CASHED THE PROFITS

Now, if you're reading this from Islamabad, you might be tempted to say, "Aha! Indians are hypocrites! Gotcha!"

Slow down, Faizan.

Your traders are complicit too. They love Indian goods. They're re-selling it like it’s black-market gold. They know the labels are fake — and they don't care. You can shout “Death to India!” at a rally and still pay triple for “Indian masalas” at your local supermarket the same night.

Meanwhile, Indian exporters pretend not to know where their goods are headed, as long as the cheque clears. It’s the most mutually beneficial hate-relationship in the world — somewhere between a bad marriage and a Cold War kabaddi match.

So, yes — Indians can be assholes. But so can Pakistanis.

This entire trade scam is a bilateral achievement in mutual economic hypocrisy.

Bravo, subcontinent.

ACT VII: WHAT NEXT? A CRACKDOWN, OR ANOTHER PRESS CONFERENCE?

The Global Trade Research Initiative (GTRI) has now become the kid in class who pointed out the group cheat sheet. Whether anyone will actually punish the cheaters remains to be seen.

Realistically? Don’t bet your rupees on it.

Indian authorities will probably hold a few meetings, commission a white paper, maybe throw a mid-level customs officer under the bus. Meanwhile, shipments to Dubai will continue — with slightly better glue for the new labels.

Pakistan might huff and puff about sovereignty but will silently continue buying Indian goods. Because — spoiler alert — nobody makes a better mixer grinder.

ACT VIII: A FINAL WORD FROM THE NATIONAL THEATRE OF THE ABSURD

This isn’t just a scandal. It’s a masterclass in South Asian duplicity — a region where people scream patriotism and whisper profits.

The Indo-Pak trade rerouting scam is less about money and more about morality laundering — the art of looking nationalistic while acting opportunistic.

And so, to all parties involved:

• To Indian exporters: congratulations on inventing the world’s first anti-national supply chain.

• To Pakistani importers: enjoy your overpriced, mislabelled, definitely-made-in-Gujarat towels.

• To both governments: your mutual drama is impressive, but your trade route poker face is garbage.

• And to the bonded warehouses of Dubai, Colombo, and Singapore: you're the real MVPs of South Asian geopolitics.

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COMMENTS SECTION (BECAUSE IT’S 2025)

• @WahDubaiWah: “So we’re fighting on Twitter but trading on Telegram? Peak desi.”

• @PakImportWala: “Can’t believe I paid extra for ‘Afghan mangoes’ that taste like Malihabad.”

• @IndianTrader42: “No trade with Pakistan! Except through Sri Lanka. And UAE. And occasionally Bhutan. But we mean it!”

• @NeutralWatcher: “So are we enemies or business partners? Asking for a spreadsheet.”